the rain the rain the rain

i listen to cat power on the radio running. her voice is strong stronger than me. i think it's time to stop going about the same business and being so sad. the rain is falling. it is falling hard soft hard again. it keeps falling falling falling. i think my tears are going to drop but i dont let it drop. i keep thinking of him and its just him and him i dont know why. i think the feeling is awkward its getting cold colder. the wind keeps blowing my room is lit but it is cold. i keep thinking of what he says. i dont know why i keep thinking but i told her i will stop thinking but i keep thinking i dont know why. the memories is not going but i think i am going to be ok but i am not sure. not sure if i can stop yet. i miss his hands. his hand big clumsy his hand big clumsy but warm. i miss his hands but i think it is more probably i miss him. he is not saying much i dont want to apologise i think everything is my fault but i dont want to say i am sorry because i know i am not. he is a liar and all he told me were all lies i shouldnt have listened and believed. he says he doesnt lie but he is always doing it. i think my poor heart is going to break. my heart, my poor poor heart my poor poor heart my poor poor heart is going to break, it is going to break into many things many little pieces it is going to break break break i dont think my poor heart is going to make it i cannot breathe i cannot breathe i feel my heart cringing my poor heart my poor heart. i cannot breathe. i think i need to be strong like cat power i like cat power but i think cat power is someone far away that has gone through many things she can write beautiful beautiful things. my heart is still breaking i shall stop being so weak and i think he doesnt exist anymore. i pretend not to see him hear him pretend he is not around pretend i never knew him it is not hard not hard but i know my heart is still breaking. i am doing fine but i think i am in self denial just self denial but i dont care.
my poor poor heart cannot take it.
my heart i still craving.
he hurt me.
he hurt me alot.
i want to stop but i dont want it to stop.
but i am very confused confused why he is not doing anything why nothing is going right why all we do is just quarrel why he feels the way he is and why i am so upset.
i think i loved him but i am not sure.
my poor poor heart.
i think everything is over.
its over.
its over.
i cannot do anything.
i want to do something but i cannot do anything.
i cry.
i just cry.
i cry harder.
i cannot do anything but cry cry cry.