feeling small.

i'm leading such an unfulfilled life.
watched legion ytd, and there was this scene with the guy.
not the main character though.

he was saying
"my father always tucked me in at night, and he'd asked me.
' ____, have you led your life to the fullest? cos if you died today, you'd want no regrets.' "
or smthg like that, i cant remember the exact words.
but it was something like that.

its a direct shoot to my heart.
i am leading my life so ... unappreciatingly.
almost breaking my mom's heart everyday or thereof.
i always say i will change, i dont know why. i dont seem to.

reading the _____'s blog make me realise i cannot complain much about her.
yes, despite her being annoyingly related to me by being so nonchalantly unrelated, i am very proud of her works and i think what she does is brilliant.

as i have said so many times.

i hate to admit it.

but yes, i am jealous of her.

i dont really know what i am doing anymore.
she always have ways to make me feel so down despite not doing anything..

i feel so useless.

such a dreadful day today.

i'm sorry mom.