when i start bleeding

i'm afraid of the dark.
will you give me light?

i'm afraid of cockroaches.
will you whack them for me?

i'm afraid of heights.
will you keep holding on?

i'm afraid of lonliness.
will you stay?


will you?

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felt so lonely all of a sudden.
realised all my friends are sleeping.

i thought about what jess said. about guy friends and friends. and girls.
i realised none of them really stuck by me.
some still do. but not so often.

i used to have ting to complain to when xm was with jia.
yiling.
then there was yiuleung.
shengky.
then kc.
then charles.
and vic.
then yings.
and jessica.
and then grace.

and none of them can really be like how jess and sufen are like.
im not the first on any of their list. but they are all mine. at least used to. (except for shengky cos he still is)... life is ever changing.
i look back at my life. stares and start realising how miserable i am.
i dont really have much close friends sticking by me.
i dont ever have a long going steady relationship with a boy.
i never really had true experience with bgr (seriously)

deep down i really wonder if anyone does care about me.
i lead such a deep sad dark life.
no one really cares. i know. cos they dont.

even though they say it verbally. i know their care can hardly compare anymore.
i miss jessica. we drifted. like me and ling. far away. after 4 years of relationship. i hardly ever speak to her.
my life is so screwed.
my studies suck.
my life sucks.
my friends dont stick.
no one cares.
my parents doesnt bother.
my parents nag.
my parents suck fucking big time.
i hate them.

and no one ever seems to know when i need them and no one is there when i need them (exception... )

i need a new life.

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this post is totally dedicated to shengky.

;dedicated to: sheng kiat

thanks for sticking by me for 3 years. i know i have irritated the pants of your butt gazillion times.
thanks for always being there through my tears and babbling.
thanks for always knowing what to say.
thanks for making me laugh.
thanks for being so brutally honest.
thanks for always knowing what's best for me.
thanks for all you've said and done.
thanks for all the wise words.
thanks for what you've been through with me.

thanks for really everything.
being with me. sticking with me. talking with me.. etc.

& i'm sorry.
sorry for always calling you up when things go wrong.
sorry for always making you angry.
sorry for always saying wrong things.
sorry for always not being able to meet up.
sorry for not keeping in touch so much.
sorry for not being able to do more when you're down.
sorry for not meeting you on thurs when i said i would.
sorry for always making you not speak to me.
sorry for being insensitive.
sorry for neglecting our friendship.
sorry for being angry at things that weren't your fault.
sorry for everything.
for irritating you for laughing at you for complaining to you.

you're probably the only friend i've been through so much with.
the only friend that i've called to crying and put down laughing.
the only friend that i know kinda sort of believes in me.
the only friend i called during midnight and still says its ok.

i'm sorry if i have ever taken you for granted.
i dont wna take you for granted.
but i always forget.

im sorry if it happens.
but will you forgive me?
like you always do?

i dont know if im impt to you.
but you are super impt to me.
i'd choose you over yanting any day.
you should know how big that is coming from me dude. (:

much love,
eve