false front

i dont know what to say.
actually i dont know what i can say.

please girl stop scolding me.
i know what i am not supposed to be doing.
but my heart's alot more irrational than i wished it to be.

what am i to do?
i fall weak in his arms.
and i can find no courage to reject him.
i cannot say no.
but saying yes is wrong.
he is suddenly like the missing puzzle to me.
and i just felt as though he just fit each other.
(maybe me to him but not him to me.)
things always happen for stupid reasons.

today = happy?
nooooooooo.
today was an emotional roller coaster ride.

-

"i really want to tell you that what you are doing is just wrong! why wont you listen to me?? forget it, no matter what i say you also wont take it in. now you are just blinded by everything. really like a little girl. what can i say to you? you wont listen. i dont want to be a wet blanket, but i see you like this i really feel angry for you. and worse i am feeling angrier that you are not angry"
"what can i do? i am in no position to be angry. and i do not have that right to be angry."
"then what?? she jealous, you wont jealous one meh?"
"i cant do anything about it."

-

"im really worried for you, you dont just smile smile pretend everything okay. i know in your heart you really just very pain but you dont say out. stop denying the truth. you cannot keep telling yourself it's okay because it's not okay and if you keep saying that you're okay you still wont be okay one."

-

"when i see you this morning and afternoon, you were really like a little girl in love, getting the candy that you have always wanted. then now, this! ..."


-----
you could always read me like a book.


thanks.
i need you here for me.
just be here for me.
i really just need you now.


what do you do when something so wrong just feels so right?