i'm missing too many things.

friends.
family.
music.
love.
food.
money.

missing out too many things.
going through so many downs.
as if each down doesnt prove enough it decides to swing and prowl deeper.

why is my life so meaningless.

maybe i should think less of myself.
more of others.
so hard.
but everytime i think i'm doing it right it's wrong.

too nothing.
too nothing.
i have nothing.

friends?
oh really.

they fade.

love?
who says anything is forever?

family?
i never felt loved.

money?
you'll never have enough.

music?
you get tired of it.

food?
if you cant get it you wont get it.

things i thought would be everything.
things that turned out to be nothing more than my own piece of thinking.
i'm tired of all the superficialities that happen in my fucked life.
why doesnt anything ever happen for real anymore?
why am i not happy now?
why am i never contented?
why cant i be more fucking sensitive and grow up!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????

shit.

it's not like i want to be so fucking self centred.
its not like i dont want to care.
i could be different.
i know i can and i was.
last year.
with her.
and now its all different.

me?
now?

im nothing.

i mean nothing.
not important.
not anything.

meaningless

life?
what does that mean?
it could mean everything and nothing.

love?
i forgot what that is?
how to feel love?
how to feel loved.
how to want love
how to give love.

no.
nothing.

i have nothing.
i am nothing.
me.
eve.
nothing.

fuck you man.
fuck you and your goddamn world.

sick of always looking at your picture.
wished i can see you for real
wish i can feel you.
and then look at your real smile.

not stare at the stagnant one in my phone.