x

raindrops tattered the window panes.
the soothing rhythm calmed michelle's raging emotions.
michelle stared at herself in the window reflection.
she felt as though the world was falling to pieces.
four months pregnant? when they were supposed to be engaged in july? jerry had sex with a woman one week before their engagement? how can this be? jerry?

not supposed to be jerry...

"mich?" jason came from behind.
michelle turned around and she saw the familiar figure in front of her, the t shirt and the baggy pants. smelling of musk and soft cinnamon.
"hey.." she said gently.
jason opened his arms.
"come here"
michelle embraced him. she inhaled the aroma. she missed sister lia. she wanted to go back to the orphanage.
"you remembered how sister lia used to say that we would grow up one day and you'd say you never want to grow up?'' she asked jason.
jason soothed her hair.
"yea."
"those were the days. when we would run up to the swing. and you would push me so hard i'd fall. then you'd be so guilty that you'd carry me on your back... and i'd fall asleep. and sister lia always end up scolding us for going back to the orphanage late cos you always couldnt carry me all the way back."
jason chuckled.
"jay...?"
"yea mich?"
"i want to go back to the orphanage."

+++++

i love you jay.
i love you so much.
but remember.
you broke my heart first.

++++

"sister lia!" michelle cried out.
the old shadow moved, it looked up.
"michelle? michelle sweetheart! oh baby how you've grown" the frail nun wisped her arms wide and accepted michelle's grab as she held on tightly to the arms of the pale girl.
"oh my child, you've lost weight." sister lia ran her hand down michelle's face.
michelle held the hand there, and smiled.
"jason's here too sister."
sister lia stared at the young man next to michelle and grinned.
"ah, how can i forget. of course. the young man. this cheeky boy that made me lost almost half my lifespan."
"wow, you could have been 200 years old then" jason replied cheekily.
"your cheekiness i didnt miss much, but you i did" sister lia said.
"me too." jason gave a peck on the cheek of sister lia.

-

"oh jason! the swing's still here!" michelle yelled, as she ran up the hill to the big oak tree.
she sat down promptly and screamed.
"push me!"
jason laughed. and ran up to her. he pushed her up. her hair flew in the wind. her smile pressed into his memory. hard. it was eternity.

jason came up with a mischievous thought.
he pushed the swing higher. and higher. and higher.
michelle screamed.
"shit jason!"

michelle lost grip of the support of the swing. and she was flung into the air.
"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
she fell to the soft soil with a thud.
"shucks jason. you are such a jerk." michelle tried standing up.
"now look what you've done. i cant stand. my ankle hurts."
"as usual?" jason mimicked the tone of michelle.
"jerk!" michelle hurled a bunch of dried leaves and twigs at jason.
jason burst out in a series of laughter.
"come sweetheart. i'll piggyback you."
michelle attacked jason's back.
"jerk jerk jerk jerk!!"
"hey, if you injure my back, i will make you carry me."
jason pulled michelle on to his back.

"hey mich."
"yea?"
"dump jerry and be with me."
"u know i wont."
"why?"
"cos i love jerry more than i love you."
"cant we be together? just once?"
"we could have jay. but you broke my heart once remember?"
"i was young. i was stupid."
"and your mind was duff"
"i know..."
"we cant jay. im engaged remember?"
"he two timed you."
"..."
"sorry."
"its ok."
"sorry mich."
jason felt michelle's head buried in the back of his neck.
he felt moisture. it wasnt sweat. it was michelle's tears.
"im sorry mich. im really sorry."

jason carried michelle back to the orphanage. this time. he carried michelle all the way back. but he walked so slowly, hoping that time would stop. michelle fell asleep on his back.

+++++

"i love you baby." she whispered.
jason flicked his tongue, with his raging hormones underneath his cool exterior. he caressed the girl's curves. his hands almost underneath the spaghetti stripe... ...

there was a fumble.

"i... i... " michelle stuttered helplessly at the scene she was staring.
"i... i'm sorry... i didnt mean to intrude. i... happy valentine jay..." michelle picked up the smithereens of the chocolate cake. holding back her tears.
jason pushed the girl away and picked up the remnants of the cake.
"its ok. i'll pick it up myself." michelle said. refusing to give eye contact to jason.
their hands met.
michelle brushed it off, and suddenly stared at jason helplessly. she burst out crying. she tried stopping the tears, wiping it off with her hands, leaving brown traces of the chocolate cake. jason laughed, and reached out, wanting to clean her face. michelle pushed it away hard.
"dont touch me."
she cried harder. and left the room holding the smashed cake. like her smashed dignity. and her smashed heart.

she ran behind the wall, and as she held on to the pieces of the chocolate cake, syrup dripped to the floor, so did her tears, her sobs heard throughout the gospel.

jason was left, shocked by the rejection of his hand, with the girl he kissed just now, in a midst of messy chocolate marks.