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i am not sure what i am supposed to think.
of all people, i am not the most eloquent one..

i could probably only write what i feel...
it feels weird that now i know you are reading this blog, i am suddenly more aware of what i want to write here and what i want you to know.

i keep telling myself it's okay.
and i want to believe that it is okay.
but what if it isn't okay? maybe i am just lying to myself trying to make myself feel better.

"cheap" is such a harsh word.
no one has ever called me that before.

i didn't know that i was someone like that.
of course you would tell me not to think about it...
because you know it's not true and because you know me...

but is that how i appear to your family?

i don't want anything from you anymore.
i don't know how to face your mom...

i wanted to take off the necklace

i wanted to return it to you

i wanted nothing to do with it

but then i remembered i love you

and i know it would break your heart.

 

i don't know what to do...