biting

i have never been one that was open to my feeling regarding my family.
not to them and not to myself.
its hard to open my mouth and more importantly my heart because of things that i refuse to admit and have always been constantly in denial about.

i flipped through the cards, and even though it wasnt from me to her, that choking feeling came and before i knew it i felt like dying.
more than anything i wish i could make them proud.
yet even so all i want to do is just curl up in bed and hope i dont exist.