there are times like this.

this is when you need a lover/ boyfriend/ husband.

or you just need someone to love you.

why?
because i dont have anyone to whine to.
i cant keep thinking how down i am now.
why am i that useless?
why cant i make up my mind to stay .. stay at least happy?
unlike the girl on the show, i dont have kyle to watch over me.
of course, it is fiction isnt it.

i keep hurting the wrong people.
and then i find them leaving.
and then i am all alone.
i like the peace alone.
but it doesnt mean that i enjoy loneliness.
i dont want to push people away,
i dont think i am.

but how come everything i do seems to hurt someone or make someone disappear?
i really do try to make that effort.
but i am so tired.

i need someone to be there just for me.
because they like me.
not because of ulterior motives because it makes me sad makes me feel used and make me feel like i am not worthy of anything.
why cant we still be friends even if things change for the worse?

why.
why whywhy?

why do i have do be so broken when i feel that no one is there?
i cant stop crying
i just wish wish someone could be here now right now right now right now this moment.
tell me that i am okay.
so that i dont have to curl up in my humid bed and start crying and sweat like some fucking pig.


i wish i didnt have to think it was all about me.

i wish i could think for other people.

i miss ...
i miss the old times where i had someone for me.
before i realised that things werent really that easy as they seem.

no one is really there for you just for you.
everyone expects something back.

its always the case.
always always.

i miss shengky too.

why why why.



i am dying.
my heart is breaking.
i am really not an emo person.
i just blog when i am emo.
and..
you would think i am emo.
i am not emo.
i am not emo.
i am not emo.
i am just really upset now.