when i first got here.
it felt free. there was a lack of burden. there was no stress.
and now i am heavy.
constant worrying.
i feel as though as it is all going back to what panic is for me.
but i kinda realise its not about being happy all the time.
its more about being able to handle stress. deal with what i am doing.
making sure that i know what it is that i am doing...
i am not happy;
i feel like i am deeply lacking.
there's this loom ahead. i know what it is.
i just don't want to face it.
not exactly sure what i can do.
i just wish i could be stronger to understand and overcome.
actually i do understand.
i know the logic of my emotions.
i know why.
i just can't.
and here i stand.
stuck.
in this moment.
i want nothing.
nothing...
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