pools of red and tears of sorrow

blood. drip.

i want to float off to somewhere.
where there is silence.
and there is nothing.

do you know what is it like being drenched in blood and staring at the mess, all you want to die is hide in shame and agony and you feel like you are dying over and over again and the worse thing is that you will never die and what happens is simply that you are crying and the sound of you cannot come out.

you are ugly and messy and screwed up and all you want is just a little bit of that love but even love is never enough because humans are greedy like that.

i hate myself so much.
i hate myself for gorging.
i hate myself for causing so much pain to people and i hate being a source of irritation. i hate being the person that i am and i am nothing to be proud of.

why why why.

all i want to do is drown in my own misery.
i want to wallow in my guilt and all i know is i hate this point in my life.
empty promises and shallow looks.
i hate all the judgmental looks people give me.
i hate hate hate my surroundings and i dont want anybody to see me.

i want to disappear so badly you dont understand.