its tough being the side dish

i've always wondered what it was like to be someone of attention. or maybe in the spotlight.

i wonder what that would feel like. not that i want the attention (though it wont hurt), just that i always thought it'd be nice to have someone paying more detail or care to you.

i've never been the one that people would notice, maybe different in the case for zq since well, other girls are different.
but that's the way with jess, rach, yiling, xuan.. and i think all of my other best friends.
people would notice the prettier person. it's detrimental to my confidence.
makes me think i've got to learn to shut up.

i'm obsessed about my body, thinking that it's the reason why nobody probably throw a glance at me. my cooped school life doesnt help since im losing the manner in which i appeal at.

i cant write songs. i cant dance. cant even play volley.

crap eh.

but it helps to have friends like rachel or tk in the end to let me know im okay the way i am. but the fact is true. im bigger than average. and in this society where relativity is such a major influence on people's mindset, it sucks to be the one nobody choose to notice.

but i think i'd rather be in the shadow than spotlight.
it's tiring to always focus how you look like.. i enjoy the times where i ignore people's stares in my fbt, ah ma specs and maybe a pimple or two.

it doesnt help in my confidence level, it just means i blend in without enticing notice.

well.
i should learn to love myself more.
i really should.
i keep thinking, maybe after 5 more kgs.
but the kgs dont go away, instead new ones come flying in and sticking themselves on my ass.

honestly, times when i suddenly realise i lose weight, is when i dont make a conscious of it.
i guess that's what matters, to matter less!

but it still hurts sometimes when people make a bite at my elephant legs or huge ass.

like kit, kelman.. hongyu.. guys.

ive got to toughen up and grow better.
to get a guy who love me for who i am and not what i look like.
(although the main difference is if i can capture the attention first.)

love.
enough of spreading them around.
time to shower them on myself.

final sprint for a levels.
(: