oh you know what they say,

how goes you?

do people still ask this?
im sort of blinded by new friends.

recently, i'm losing my patience with everybody.
well... not everyone but just some of them.

i have no contact with the opposite sex.
is that a good thing lol?
im losing my sense of subjectivenessssss towards the way how things goes. and i cant take criticism, i just totally blow up in the sense that i think i am not wrong (though i may not be correct too) but the fact that someone insists that i am wrong, insists they HAVE NO fault pisses me off and i blow up.

"fuck you then."

okay i dont say it to people's faces that's mean. (but i would seriously love to have the audacity to be able to do it. oh yea mama.)

just read vicky's blog.
what a happy life she leads.
great family, she dont have to worry about finance etc.
she's such a happy girl.
no wonder.
all daddy's girls are so lucky.
i always wanted that.
like melisa, jess and vicky!

ultimately i dont think i have the father figure in life.
i dont feel protected enough.
time and time again.
i will say it.
i will never marry someone like my dad.
no. because he leaves my mom on the other side.

my mom seems to want to depend on him.
but i dont think he lets her.
okay, maybe on the surface he dont. (and maybe he really dont)
but. why? why not?

thats why i depend on someone else to try to be a sort of man-ish figure in my life.
just like joey, jessica (kong) for the fact that we lack security.
of course, this is in my opinion, i dont know if they think this way.
for one, joey is so independent and i think she does a great job taking care of her family. so why the guy? because i think that everyone deserves to have a guy to love them. to take care of them and eventually to have someone you wna love and protect and call your own.
jessica... hmm. she totally dont give me the feeling that she can be without a guy. i dont know why.. but maybe it's just cos the guy's name is always on the front.
she likes him alot i guess.

but fuck it man.
why the constant say to keep wanting the man.
why are we losers when we aren't attached.
why are ugly people not allowed to be fucked and why are they not allowed to be attached without the amount of controversies going on?
arent they human? YOU arent perfect either.
what's with the open judgementality?
dude. dudettes.

shut the fuck up man.
seriously.

sigh.
im also jugdemental.
(who isnt? )
but i just dont get it why they have to be so mean.


argh
now.
this is not important.
the AQ which is due tmr is.
and i have my A lvls to complete.


i want to travel the world too.
and maybe find kevin liao.

sigh.